Tuesday, February 26, 2008

So PJ sent me this video about sex-ed, framed in Nintendo terms (which taught me more than I’ll ever know first hand about sex), and, naturally, it got me thinking about Italian stereotypes. This in turn got me thinking about Spaghetti-O’s, which then got me thinking about how utterly butt nasty that shit is.

Then I remembered that, as a kid, ALL I wanted was Spaghetti-O’s. That’s it. I would have sworn never to use the Konami Code again just to hear my mom say, “Come get some Spaghetti-O’s!!” But it never happened. I don’t think it’s all that expensive or anything, but my white Mama still never granted the request. It’s all good though. I went to college eventually, got my grown man on, hit the GGO majorly and picked up a can of this supposed piece of processed tomato heaven.

“Yuck”, “why?”, and “barf” are the three best words I can use to describe this red headed step child of the pasta world. Same goes for Chef Boyardee, McDonald’s, those fucking individually wrapped, microwave hot dogs already in the bun!, and any other overly processed, trash food that’s making my heart hurt as I type. Why would I ever have been in love with little pasta rings that feel like boogers in your mouth (don’t ask me how I know), sitting in a red sauce that tastes like used band-aids? I’ll tell you exactly why.

The only thing more disgusting than this “food” itself, more scandalous than the female celebrity pubic region, is corporate marketing. All the commercials with those damn happy smiling kids, just getting home from a soccer game, chanting out “Spaghetti-O’s!” as if the can was Mussolini himself, they are to blame! Well, not them exactly, but the turd burglars who sit around thumbin’ their cornhole while they discuss these scenarios/ideas and how to present them to us to make us want their crap.

The worst of this is definitely marketing geared towards children. Wedging your shitty product into the still-developing minds of young kids is no different to me than pedophilia or any other crime against nature that seeks to take advantage of those who lack adequate defenses. It’s plain wrong, especially if it is negatively effecting the health of an entire population, all in the name of gross, excess wealth for a few. So, in conclusion, F a McE D’s, give me a house burger any day!!!!!

In other news, life is fun. Happy Birthday to Christina, lil’ Bloomper aka the Young and Tenderizer, Danielle, my sistas, and whoever else had a birthday! Thank God for Focho.

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